Lynette Allen(blog)

Calling all Women...know this...there's always a back story! by Lynette Allen

In my experience, as a woman in business and having worked closely with female entrepreneurs and women in corporates for over a decade now, the one thing we all have in common, is that we want to be successful. Both personally and professionally, we seem to have an in-built desire to do everything we put our minds to exceedingly well.

We want to be recognised, we want to be effective at work and taken seriously in our industries. In order to do that, we spend a good deal of our time making sure that we're experts at what we do, that we can hold our own technically in our respective work worlds and that we achieve. We educate ourselves, we update our skills and we gain reputations for being able to do our jobs very well. With that reputation often comes external PR.

We've all seen successful women being featured on the front covers of magazines for instance, or being featured on the radio. We win awards, we're asked to sit on judging panels, we're asked for our opinion and we give it authoritatively. We take on extra projects that bring extra PR...in short...our efforts receive attention.

For some women, seeing others being promoted and celebrated can be a huge inspiration and a motivation towards success. For others though, hearing about how well another woman manages her life, can leave us feeling deflated, demotivated and guilty that we'll never quite make the grade ourselves.

For the women I've spoken to, who haven't yet had their moment of recognition, that feeling of not quite making the grade seems to come about because she hasn't recognised that behind every successful woman is a back story. Behind every successful woman, there's a strategy, there's compromise, there are choices. Business women who achieve are also mums, wives, best friends, daughters, aunties, nieces. They have private lives too, which need careful managing, organisation and support. They're no more clever than women who haven't had their moment of recognition yet, they just chose different routines, they choose different mind sets, patterns of behaviour and back up plans.

For much of the time of course, women are flexible enough, strategic enough and capable enough to be organised at home and at work, but when we feel we're starting to struggle, when we work at what we consider to be 110% and still don't seem to make the headway we expect, we feel embarrassed and ineffective. Other women around us then seem to appear to be coping so much better than us and we compare ourselves those the success stories we read about. We forget this is an external measure of success, the PR if you like, often not a true reflection of the reality behind a woman's life.

Which side do you lean towards? Do you feel motivated by a woman's success or overwhelmed by it? Do you assume that if she's successful at work, she must have everything at home sewn up too? Perhaps you assume she has extra support from family? Maybe you assume she's wealthy enough to afford paid help? That she never forgets birthdays, that she's up to date on the laundry and that the fridge is always full? There's a chance that's true, but more often than not, she's just made different choices.

The women we speak to tell us it's about attitude to what can be achieved. It's about maintaining a certain level of personal energy – emotional and physical. Every successful woman we've spoken to has a story to tell, a point in time where they didn't believe they could do it, they tell us that their level of success still astounds them today. What they don't often do, is talk about those struggles. We're about to change that.

The call therefore, to all women, is to shine a light on the reality of the juggling act that successful women seem to have perfected. Rest assured, you're not alone and you can achieve.

In a perfect world, every woman would know (or be inspired to find) her own strength, every woman would feel clever, innovative and coolly sure of herself. Every woman would know her own mind, her own attributes, be aware of and accepting of her own flaws and feel confident in her own skin. Every woman would know how to be true to herself, how to trust her intuition, decisions & resourcefulness.

Until then, understand that there is always a back story, always a path that was forged and always an opening for you to do the same...if you wish.

Do you feel like this?

Then think about our coaching sessio, 'Creating Credibility'.  In this session, you'll discover the gap between how credible you feel and how credible you actually are. Credibility in the workplace will give you the ears of your junior and senior staff, you'll be handling your boss and stakeholders with more authority and clout. You'll deal with any negativity you have around this area and be able to carve out success on your own terms. 

Email me today for information on how this session might help you lynette@thewomenscoachingcompany.co.uk

'What will next year bring?', by Lynette Allen

I hear that a lot around this time of year, 'What will next year bring?' and it frustrates me really. The answer surely is, 'Whatever you decide it will bring'. It frustrates me because it gives you absolutely no sense of control over what will happen to you. It's like you're assuming, you'll have no choice, things will just happen to you, decisions will be made around you, things will move on – without your influence.

Of course, that's not what happens. In actual fact, you're entirely and completely in control. You decide what job you do, what friends you have, what experiences you have, what you learn and if you don't believe me and think that 'luck' opened up an opportunity, or 'being in the right place at the right time', held a door open for you, then think again. Ask yourself, how did I end up talking to that person or being in that room or travelling to that place? The answer will always be, because at some point down that line of events, you made a decision to do something, speak to someone, tell someone something.

I had this conversation a few weeks ago over lunch with a woman in business I admire hugely. This time last year, she was worried about where her business was going, she was worried about cash flow and staffing. Now, at the end of the year, she's in a much healthier place, her staffing issues are sorted, her cash flow is well...flowing...and she was very relaxed about being out of the office and sat in a restaurant with me. She tried to tell me that she'd had a lot of luck this year. 'Rubbish!' I told her. 'You did it all!'. No...she maintained....she'd had a few key clients arrive at the door, a few opportunities had opened up and she'd simply moved at the right time. 'Still rubbish!', I laughed!.

She thought about it for a bit and a smile crept across her face. Her biggest client this year, she had quite assumed she'd met by accident. She'd be invited to an evening event at the last minute. Her initial reaction was to say no, it meant getting ready and going out at short notice instead of going home and putting her feet up. But as she smiled, she said, 'Actually something made me stop and accept'. She sat next to him at dinner, they laughed and got along well all evening and it wasn't until the very end of the evening when he introduced himself formally and told her what he did for a living. After a very brief exchange of business cards, he contacted her afterwards and hired her company. A very big contract was signed, a contract that would make a huge difference in 2011. She made the decision to go that evening, she decided to say yes, not having the first clue who she would meet. She had been in control.

That's my point. You're in control even when you think you're not. It's the little, every day things you say yes to, small decisions you make, the people you decide to call, the information you decide to divulge...those insignificant things turn into opportunities, fortuitous meetings, being seen, being heard.

So...my question for you is not 'What will next year bring?' but 'How will you sculpt your life in 2012?'. What will you decide? Where will you decide to go? Who will you decide to speak to? What new friendships or business partnerships will be made? What opportunities will you see and decide to go for? It's all up to you.

As for The Women's Coaching Company, you'll see a change in web site soon, a focus in direction as we continue to concentrate on our core business and passion, which as you know is supporting women to rise to board level. We'll take on new clients, we'll work with companies we haven't heard of yet and form friendships with professionals we haven't yet been introduced to.

The UK Coaching Partnership will see it's latest Coaching Diploma for professionals course being run in January and another later in the year plus my fourth book, 'How to Coach a Woman', co-written with one of my business partners Meg Reid, will be launched in March. From experience, I know that that book will be read by people who've never heard of me, it'll teach people what they want to know and give them a whole new perspective on working with, managing and coaching women.

As for me personally, some of you know that this year have seen some dramatic changes in my life...all initiated by the small decisions I made each step of the way. I've divorced, fallen in love with a wonderful man, acquired an amazing step daughter, moved offices and house 3 times finally settling in a beautiful village in Suffolk and I have many very important friends and family members I didn't even know existed this time last year! Plus, as if that wasn't enough, in May 2012, I'll become a mum for the very first time as I give birth to a daughter, Olivia-Drew, who incidentally must know I'm talking about her and she's decided to have a kick around right now!

So....'How will you sculpt your life in 2012?' It's all down to you!

One woman determined to push her boundaries in business

If you're connected to me on Facebook and Twitter, you'll know that I've been doing a lot of research about how women develop their careers to be seriously considered for board positions.  I've asked many of my senior contacts for their tips and advice about how a woman prepares herself for board level and you'll read about those in the next few weeks.

With that in mind, I was inspired to tell you about a coaching client I spoke to last night.  A woman who is climbing the career ladder - not quite at board level yet, but certainly reaching.

This was the first time I'd coached her and so as I asked if she was on the other end of the phone, comfortable with a cuppa, she said 'Actually, I've got a beer and a cigarette!' which not only made me laugh, it also gave me an indication right from the off, of the type of woman I was speaking to, someone who meant business, a woman with attitude and I wasn't wrong.

She told me how she was interviewing for a much more senior position. A position where she'd be the lead in decision making and for the first time, leading a team.  She explained that although she wanted the job, she was terrified of getting it. Terrified of being put in the limelight, of being under pressure to deliver, when she had no personal track record of being able to do to that.

The more we spoke, the more she explained.  Her fear was that she was reaching too high, too high in terms of her experience and ability.  She was keen to be honest about her achievements to date, and honest about her limitations too.  She is clearly putting herself under pressure going for this role.

I had to ask 'Why are you doing this?'.  I wanted to know why she was putting herself under this pressure right now, why she wanted to metaphorically stand on tip toes and stretch so high for this particular post.  Her answer was reassuringly firm 'Because if I don't, I'll stay at this level and I won't know what I'm capable of achieving'.  She said she needed to scare herself a little in order grow and raise her own bar.  I liked that a lot!

This is exactly the type of real conviction that women need to harness in order to put constant pressure on companies to give them a shot at senior managerial roles and board positions.  It's the only way that the world will change and the only way women will tip the balance at the top.

By the end of our session, she had come up with 3 things that, in her first week/few months in post (yes of course we presumed she'd get the job) would set the stage for her, with her team, the expectations of the role and to inspire the company to compete with its competitors at a much higher level.

She also had 3 things she was going to do in the next month to prepare for that.  At the start of the session, she classed her confidence at a high 5 out of 10 and by the end, it was a definate 8/10.

She closed the session feeling more convinced of being able to not only get this role but also to excel in it.  Next month, we'll continue with that and I can't wait to hear her progress.  What a star.

'Queen Bee Syndrome' - Alpha Females making life harder for women at work

My business partner and I found ourselves having a very interesting conversation with a business woman the other night at a charity networking event. We were discussing the research we've recently been undertaking concerning women in the workplace and the so-called 'double glass ceiling' they hit as they climb the corporate ladder. She explained to us that she'd read an article recently which explained 'Queen Bee Syndrome'. Have you heard of it yet? If you haven't, you'll most certainly recognise the behaviour when you understand the term. Think Meryl Streep's character in the film 'The Devil Wears Prada' – she publicly humiliates her junior female employee, implements her ideas (passing them off as her own) and displays a distinct lack of interest in anything vaguely 'work/life balance' or 'family' related - in fact, you daren't mention the words 'childcare', 'school play', or 'sorry I'm late' since you saw your female co-worker get her head bitten off so viciously when she mentioned them! She's more male than the men she's walked over to reach her position and she's fought so hard for her career that she's not about the make it easy for some young upstart to follow behind her stiletto heeled foot prints – just because she's a woman!

Fight your own game, she'll be muttering under her breath between unreasonable demands and put-downs, I sacrificed everything to get where I am, she'll gloat as she actively promotes your male colleagues over you! In a recent survey, it transpires that 78% of the 4,206 people polled agreed that 'female bosses made advancement harder for other women', with just 13% disagreeing and 9% who weren't sure. Google the term 'Queen Bee Syndrome' and you'll get a surprising plethora of articles, polls and information all citing crushingly disappointing facts and real-life examples for you to squirm over.

You see, I think that most of us imagined that if only there were more female managers/directors and board members in place, then the traditional 'male' workplace culture would be forced to change in favour of the typically 'feminine' nurturing, collaborative traits that we like to think our gender demonstrating. It seems not though, but why is that?

Well I've read today that it could be that the number of places available for women at senior/board level are seen to be so few and far between that once there, women cling onto them for dear life – after all – if your female director gives you a hand up – where is she going to go? Couple that with the fact that women are constantly bombarded with examples of not being taken seriously in the media and business once they lose their looks and youth, they feel even more inclined to defend their territory against other younger women in their organisation.

So if this is the case, I have a question for you...

'If women knew for certain that, like their male counterparts, their success didn't depend on their looks and age and if there were visibly more spaces available for women in senior corporate posts – do you think the Queen Bee Syndrome would still exist?'

Click here to comment and let us know what you think

Are you currently suffering as a consequence of your female bosses bad behaviour?  Contact us and ask about our 'Queen Bee Syndrome' coaching sessions. Call us on 0845 474 2241 or email lynette@thewomenscoachingcompany.co.uk

 

The humility of coaching, by Lynette Allen

When I think about teaching, I think about the process of standing in front of a new group of people, professionals who want to learn something new, add to their knowledge of coaching – they might have big aspirations to become leading coaches of the future or they may feel the need to bring a fresh coaching approach into their workplace.

Whatever their reason for being there, the thoughts of starting my next diploma with fresh eager minds to train, carve, bring in line with coaching ethics and techniques is so stimulating. It occurred to me today though, that teaching these willing incredible professionals, isn't all this course is about, it's not my only job as an ethical coach in this world.

I read a case study today from one of my students – he's just finished our last diploma and is gathering his written work towards gaining his qualification.

The impact that my student has had on his coachee quite literally made me stare at the words on my screen, only able to say just one word 'WOW'. This particular coachee has been able to discuss a topic so close to his heart, simply because another person in the world felt in a position, personally and professionally to be able to train as a coach. The meeting of these two people, through coaching, has meant that someone has grown personally in the world. The impact of that growth will stay with that person for life.

Teaching this course isn't just about shaping capable minds with a coaching etiquette, it's about preparing them to enhance, change, have an impact on the lives of the people THEY will coach, both during their training and when they qualify. They don't even know them yet. They have no idea when they'll be brought into their lives, when they'll feel the need for their space.

I am very proud indeed today. Very proud to be able to have an impact on people I will never meet and never hear. I can't think of a better way to walk about the planet!

If you feel ready to make a significant impact on someone else's life, you can find out more by clicking here

A female influence at board level, by Lynette Allen

I had an interesting discussion with the CEO of a major Utilities company yesterday about female influence at board level. We spoke about Lord Davies’ recommendations that FTSE 100 firms should aim for at least one in four female board members by 2015, but in this particular company's latest board shuffle, it wasn't an unwillingness to invite a woman onto their board that was the challenge, but the lack of female presence in world class leaders that were in the running for the position that was the problem – there were none!

It's widely recognised that there aren't enough women at board level and there are plenty of organisations such as ours, supporting women in various industries through the ranks, to ensure that they feel able to get there.

My concern though is that this shouldn't just be a numbers game. There's something distinctly distasteful about men being asked to 'make room for us', and proffer a place to one lucky lady on an all-male board just to fill a quota. I can't help thinking that this kind of recommendation might well have Emily Pankhurst rolling her eyes with an 'It was never meant to be like that!' frustration about her.

Inviting women onto corporate boards shouldn't be about looking good or being seen as a forward thinking employer – it should be about an authentic understanding of the positive influence that women have at board level and then, as a separate issue, having the freedom to choose experienced, talented board members with appropriate CV's that fit the bill perfectly – regardless of gender. One would just hope that in years to come, there happens to be a decent sprinkle of female names at the top of those CV's instead of mostly/all male names – is it fantasy to assume that in our daughters generation, 50% of names around those board tables might just be female?

Statistics aside, it's not just about feminism, it's about how women operate corporations, it's about how they settle disputes, how they win business, how they communicate, how they treat their staff.

I'm currently coaching a woman at board level in an all-male team. How she deals with issues is so completely different to her male counterparts. She explained how during one particular frustrating dispute, she didn't leave the room until all involved were in agreement, that everyone had had their say, that all opinions had been taken into consideration. In comparison, I've actually witnessed all-male board meetings come to a standstill and have to be adjourned, because those around the table talk over each other, fling themselves back in their chairs with their arms crossed, refuse to listen, agree to things one minute and dismiss them the next with childish bolsheyness – women just don't act like that.

That's not to say that all men are bolshey school boys and that all women are prefect professional, it's just that the natural state of a woman is to seek compromise, to see another's point of view, to listen, to try to understand another opinion and to genuinely aim for win:win solutions. Imagine how much more effectively corporations would run if those were the ethics that ran through the companies, down through the various management levels and out onto the shop floors?

I've recently been invited to coach an all male board around one of the most influential board tables in the country, with the express intention of bringing a female influence to key decision makers – that's the kind of forward thinking we need from business leaders, that's the kind of positivity boards need and in my view, it's how women will rise through the ranks to be able to authentically grow into those roles with ease, it's what our daughters generation will see as perfectly normal, expected, everyday behaviour – hopefully.

(If this article interests you as a woman in business, find out how you could further your career with coaching)

Lipstick, Stilettos and dressing to impress...a man's perspective

  There’s a perception amongst us poor misguided men folk, that women who dress ‘a certain way’ for work only do so to appear powerful. They need to do this to compete with the men don’t they? It’s nothing to do with simply wanting to dress, well, well - is it?

Seriously, why do women put on their killer Jimmy Choo heals, don their immaculately tailored Channel suit and deposit their MacBook or iPad in the latest Balenciaga handbag? Is it to scare us? Is it to make up for years of misogyny in the workplace? Is it to compete with us, the men? Or is it to appear confident and in control?

It’s an interesting question and it reminded me of THE fateful day I interviewed for a new job. Up until this revelatory episode in my life it’s safe to assume dear reader that how I looked at work, and what that said about me, never registered. That is until THE day...

Until THE day I ran my own business. (Still do.) I worked from home – just me, the email, mobile and the cats for company. And anyone who does this knows that there are times when you spend your time in just a t-shirt and a pair of tracky bottoms. It’s easy. No one’s going to see you and you don’t even have to shower if you don’t want to! Bliss!

Fast forward to THE day. At the allotted hour, in walked Yvonne (names have been changed to protect the innocent).

She looked amazing. Sophisticated, casual, with immaculate hair, nails and the aforementioned killer heels all on deadly show, all delivering me the message that she was confident, savvy, impressive and inspiring. Oh and most definitely in CONTROL.

I was immediately scared and seduced in equal measure. I wanted to impress her, and I wanted her to like me. But I knew I needed to work hard – no question. This wasn’t going to be easy. Within the first few seconds of meeting her I was inspired, I was hooked. I was also worried.

And it wasn’t just about what I was going to say. I was also immediately aware of how I looked and I knew it probably wasn’t pretty. I felt a little compromised and shabby. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t look slovenly; I’d showered, put a pair of jeans on, was wearing my old faithful brogues and a cord jacket for God’s sake; but I looked, I don’t know, anonymous? Average? Especially next to Yvonne.

Everything about what she was wearing exuded quality and sophistication. Here was a woman, who knew what she was about, who knew how successful she was, who wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything. Here was a woman in CONTROL. She exuded quality and confidence. And I didn’t.

And for the first time in a long time, I worried that someone would judge me because of the way I looked.

Ironic, eh?

So what did I do? Well I got through the interview. And I made it through the second and third one too, and I got the job.

And I also went shopping!

Why? Because here I was heading into one of the most serious working environments I had ever been in. I don’t mean not fun; I mean ‘we take our role seriously and we are the best at what we do’ serious. I was (I am) proud to work there. And I was nervous and fearful that I wouldn’t always make the grade. So I had to appear confident and ‘fake it’ a little.

How?

Sometimes by making sure I looked the part!

So, yes, I went shopping. And I bought the best pair of shoes I ever bought (a pair of Grenson’s if you’re interested), as well as few other things. And it works.

On the days I’m not feeling it, I put on the shoes and don the new uniform and I assume the identity of a confident, knowledgeable and successful Talent Strategist. And you know what? It works, I instantly feel better. And when I feel good about myself, I feel good about what I can do. And I AM good at what I do.

So I get it. I understand. I am a power dresser myself. And I would always, always, always say to anyone dress to impress!

Yvonne, by the way, isn’t scary at all. She’s lovely. And she’s bloody impressive and excellent at what she does. I learn something new from every day.

Just goes to show, doesn’t it?

 

Feminine credibility in a man's world, by Lynette Allen

I recently coached a highly experienced woman, working in the corporate sector. A brand new role had been created in the company she'd been a consultant for, she applied and she got the job. She got the job because of her credibility, because of her corporate history, her reputation. She finds herself in a position where her male dominated team don't seem to value that credibility though. To them, she has no reputation as yet, she has no real clout yet and her authority is being undermined at every turn.

During her session, it just appalled me that her male colleagues seem to literally be playing games with her. They don't let her finish her sentences in meetings, they talk over her and wave their hand around dismissively, they stand over her and even seem to physically back her into a corner. At this point, it is important to note that both her and I realise that this behaviour is NOT representative all most of the male business fraternity, this type of behaviour is, we hope, in the minority – but it is happening. How does a small framed woman who believes in win:win situations compete with a strong male counterforce who are unsupportive of her role and seem to thrive on win:lose war-type situations?

During the session, my client maintained that she just wants to be able to do her job to the very best of her ability. The changes she has implemented so far have proved financially fruitful, her vision for where her department could be in a years time remain strong and in focus, but with such strong opposition, her energy is being sapped by constantly having to dodge curve balls and understand how to deal with patronising comments...one of which was 'Stop behaving like a woman!'.

When she gets passionate in a meeting, she's termed 'emotional', when she fronts up to a colleague who's talking over her, she's called 'aggressive' – how is she to win?

The way each client deals with difficult situations like these will differ, but here are just three strategies that every woman can employ to 'up' her feminine credibility, regardless of how others respond to her.

• Don't over explain. Women do do this and it does undermine feminine credibility. Instead, stick to the point, make your point succinctly and clearly, slow the rate of your speech down a little and lower your voice. In short. Make your point and then stop talking. Let others fill the gap of silence if there is one, expect a positive response but whatever you do, don't explain your point in a different way any further.
• Take up more physical space. Naturally, women tend to be smaller in build than men. What I noticed during the research for my latest book though, was that women make themselves even smaller in meetings particularly. They'll cross their legs or arms, they'll sit on the edge of their chair, their frame will often diminish. Instead, sit at the table. Rest your elbows on the table, sit up, sit with both feet flat on the floor and 'attend' the meeting. Don't apologise with your body language for being there. Be 'present' at the meeting, hold your space.
•  Think about the wider space around you too – think of it like an invisible energy field. Think about that energy field and own it. Although no-one can see that energy field around you, they will feel your presence in it. So use your mind to create a bigger presence than your actual body. You will notice other people responding differently, they won't know why but they will notice you.

Find these tips helpful? Why not talk through your own situation, coaching sessions are completely confidential. In our 'Creating Credibility' session, you'll discover the gap between how credible you feel and how credible you actually are. Credibility in the workplace will give you the ears of your junior and senior staff, you'll be handling your boss and stakeholders with more authority and clout. You'll deal with any negativity you have around this area and be able to carve out success on your own terms. It's worth it. Talk to us today, call 0845 474 2241 or email lynette@thewomenscoachingcompany.co.uk

If on the other hand, you think you'd love the job that I do, why not consider training to be a Coach yourself? Our sister company the UK Coaching Partnership Ltd train corporates and entrepreneurs to be coaches and they work with their new skills in all types of ways. There's nothing to stop you doing the same. Find out about our accredited diploma course starting in September at Cambridge University or talk to us on 0845 474 2251 for more details.

Just look what our coaching students end up achieving!

As you'll know, as well as running The Women's Coaching Company, I also co-run the UK Coaching Partnership with Meg Reid.

As the students on our current coaching diploma work towards their final weekend, Meg and I are already busy booking for our next Coaching Diploma which starts in September. With their professional qualifications, our students end up going on to coach in all types of industries, writing books, appearing on television, speaking in public, founding charities, starting their own companies. You name it...they've done it and all as a result of becoming a qualified coach.

We'd like to highlight one amazing lady in particular – who turned up on weekend 1 in THE most amazing union jack dress...we kid you not! This fashionista has mixed coaching with her passion for clothes and turned it into a thriving business. We introduce Shay Aly - here's what she has to say...

“Have you ever been frustrated about how to make sales? Or do you ever feel that people get the wrong impression of you until they really get to know you?  All of us are familiar with the NLP concept of words only making up a mere 7% of the message that people get from us. Yet, as coaches, we often think too much about what questions we're going to ask, rather than the visual and body language elements of our presence that say so much more to the people we come across.   You see, 40% of people are primarily visual.  I have always believed that you not only speak with your words, and of course your killer coaching questions, but also with your presence in the form of your body language, style and of course your brand.

I first met Meg & Lynette back in 2005.  They later both admitted to being a bit apprehensive about having a practising barrister on the course, until I turned up to the first weekend dressed for Last Night of the Proms and making a very different impression to the perception that they had previously held of barristers.   My presence on that day immediately shattered their previously held perception of what a barrister would be like and it goes to show how powerful your personal presence can be, no matter what your “label”.

Fast forward 5 years, and I finally decided to listen to my mentors, market and friends and coach in the area that people actually saw in me; how to serve people in helping them with their own presence and style, drawing from my experience in public speaking, the stage & image. It is truly a privilege to be able to coach coaches on the area that has been such a powerful part of my own journey and to see individuals and their businesses blossom.

Together with my business partner Izzy Gainford, we co-founded Sheer Distinction which specialises in creating a brand, image and coaching coaches around presence in order to magnetise the message that they were born to share.  We pride ourselves in creating create our clients' brands and images, fully encapsulating their core essence.    However, we're only able to serve our clients in this way by firstly helping them to gain absolute clarity in who they want to be of service to and what message they want to share.   Once coaching them around these topics and helping them to really hone their message, Izzy and I switch from our coaching skills to our creative skills in order to ensure that our clients’ body language, brand and presence is congruent with their niche, so that they ooze their real identity 24/7, leading to effortless client attraction amongst other benefits.

Without the coaching element to our work, we would not be able to create brands that truly encapsulate our clients.  By having a brand, they are permanently anchored to the message they want to convey and will always have a visual representation of the niche that they stand for.  The skills have helped us to stand apart from our competitors in the branding industry and create a unique niche for ourselves.”

Click the link if you ant to know more about our coaching diploma course so you too can work from your passion with utter confidence like Shay.

3 ways to achieve Lioness Leadership status

I bet when you woke up this morning, the one thing you didn't think was 'Mmm how am I going to achieve Lioness Leadership status today?' but you might tomorrow...

When you think of a Lioness in the wilds of Africa wandering around the plains, what words come to mind? For us here at The Women's Coaching Company, we think 'calm', 'centered', 'strategic'. Let's face it, lionesses never look jumpy, concerned or anxious! They always look so serene and peaceful. It's precisely because of those qualities that Lionesses are great leaders, that others in her pride look up to her, respect her, trust her. Do you really think they'd have the same level of trust if her body language and energy gave off stressed or indecisive vibes?

Just think how much extra you'd be able to achieve in your day if you emulated some of those lioness leadership skills, if you were calm, centred and strategic.

How do you achieve that tomorrow morning when you wake up?

Here's how;

1. Think calm to be calm. You have the ability to still your mind at any time during the day. If you do it first thing in the morning though before you get out of bed, you're more likely to keep that feeling with you as you go about your day. It's easy to dismiss 'calm' as inactive, blasé or unprepared. What we're talking about here is learning how to achieve a sense of calm whilst being active, consciously aware of your commitments and preparing yourself for the day ahead. Others will follow that mindset, there will be something about your attitude that others will pick up on, you'll look like you know what you're doing and when you ask for something, you'll be more likely to get it. Try it.

2. Be centred. Do you know what centred actually feels like? Centred means 'aligned'. As you walk your way through your day, ask yourself if the decisions you make, the words you speak and the actions you take, really are aligned to how you want to behave, think and feel. Being centred, equals being congruent with yourself. Once you genuinely feel congruent with yourself, others will notice and start to take more notice of you.

3. Be strategic. Lionesses don't make rash decisions. They can't afford to. They have just one shot at hunting down the prey in their sights and whilst not many of us in the western world have to catch our own food, we do have to catch our own opportunities. Act with thought, purpose and accuracy to not only notice, but catch opportunities that might be passing you by. Be strategic about what you want to achieve. Figure out the outcome in your mind, fill in the blanks in your strategy to achieve and others will fall into place to support you without question.

If you could do with a little help to hone your lioness leadership skills, talk to us, we run one-to-one confidential sessions for women on exactly how they can get more done and feel in control. We're here to help and the best bit? No-one need ever know you spoke to us...we're very discreet!

Lioness Leadership - Use these sessions to understand how to reach a calm, assertive leadership style. Feel comfortable with having and using power, recognise your own management style and how to improve and develop it. You'll understand how to make the most of your strengths and feel confident managing risk and making tough decisions.  Call us on 0845 474 2241 or email lynette@thewomenscoachingcompany.co.uk

 

Girls...get uncrushable confidence!

Confidence is intangible, you can't grasp it, pick it up, see what it's made of or touch it, but you can see it. You can see it radiate from others, you know when someone is confident or not by the way they walk into a room, by their handshake, by the tone of their voice, by the clothes they wear. Or...at least...we think we can.

You see, we coach women every day. Strong, capable, focused women in senior Corporate roles and women running their own companies, with teams surrounding them and staff under them. They appear confident. They know how to walk into a room, they know how to dress, they understand what to say, when and to whom, they're not taught that, but they do learn it by watching other people, sensing what to do and how to act. Most women, pull off that confident exterior extremely well, you might be one of those women.

All too often though, behind the scenes, we hear a different story. That confident woman has a tendency to doubt her ability and put down her achievements. Sometimes, she's unsure of her next move or anxious about how to deal with a situation. It may be that someone or something has knocked her confidence...just a little. A passing comment, a glance she noticed, an atmosphere she picked up on...maybe nothing at all to do with her, her team, her performance, her business, but those subconscious signals are noticed and can, if she lets them, have an effect on her internal confidence.

The Women's Coaching Company believes that if every woman had uncrushable confidence, those signs we pick up on so easily wouldn't shake us. Wouldn't it be fabulous, if we noticed signs, atmospheres and passing comments and were able to act on them, pre-empt situations and smooth waters before they were muddied but in a way that was pro-active, focused, calm and most precious of all, didn't dent our confidence or personal performance?

Well, we think so.

To get that process started, we've put together a 6 step guide to getting uncrushable confidence.

How to work through it?

Well. You're busy. So, our advice, is to read one step per day and keep that step at the forefront of your mind as you weave through your day.

Notice when you act on that step, notice how others react to you, notice how it felt and notice when you use it.

So... are you ready to start your 6 step plan?

Just click the link that says '6 Uncrushable Confidence Tips' at the top right of this website to download them.  Simple. Get uncrushable confidence today.

Lynette Allen speaks...

Lynette Allen, MD of The Women’s Coaching Company agrees to speak at connect 2011 on 23 June.  “I’m thrilled to be invited to speak at cityPA’s Connect 2011 event.

Recognising the role of PA’s in the city is vital to the promotion and growth of this industry. Highlighting the value of the support, the leadership skills and the talent that PA’s must have to succeed in these demanding roles is the very best way of inspiring others to reach for the top as well.”

Click here to read more about city PA

The Business Mums Summit 2011

The Women's Coaching Company were there last year and we'll be there this year too - will you?

15 Female Entrepreneurs who are incredibly inspiring

I'm often being sent links to various articles and websites on female entrepreneurship/leadership and most are excellent, but when AccountingDegree sent me this one, I thought it was fantastic!  So inspirational and definately something our readers need to see!

Opening up your own company poses all sorts of obstacles, no matter your gender. But some women — in this country and overseas — encounter even more challenges depending on their community, education, competition and culture. Here are 15 female entrepreneurs from the past and present who are incredibly inspiring for their creativity, cleverness and courage.

1. Oprah Winfrey: Oprah’s been the queen of TV for decades, and while she’s moved on from her iconic talk show on network television, her Harpo Productions Inc. empire is still evolving. An entire cable network devoted to shows and people she finds inspiring is one of Oprah’s latest projects as she continues to build up her website, magazine and radio show. Born in a poor community in Mississippi, Winfrey was sent to live with different relatives around the country and was sexually abused as a child. She credits her father with "turning [her] life around" and helping her recognize her potential and her natural gifts, a mission she has pursued on her talk show and in her many charitable endeavors, like her Angel Network. Forbes calculated Winfrey’s net worth for 2011 at $2.7 billion.
2. Diane von Furstenberg: Fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg is known in the industry as a compassionate, modern mentor to young women, emerging talents, designers and Middle American fans. As a newlywed to the the German Prince Egon of Furstenberg, Diane vowed to start her own company and act as an independent woman instead of benefiting from her sudden luxurious lifestyle. Her wrap dresses became a major success among newly empowered American working women, and although she and her husband divorced — and she later suffered a major blow to business — von Furstenberg is again working and serving at the top of the fashion industry. As president of the Council of Fashion Designers of America, von Furstenberg mentors new designers. She also sits on the board of a women’s leadership organization called Vital Voices and promotes the efforts of other young women entrepreneurs, as well as the preservation of her local neighborhood in New York.  Click here to read more

Who's the better listener? by Mums Coach Helen Hind

Recently browsing The Guardian I stumbled upon an article that read ‘When children read to him, Danny does not criticise or correct their pronunciation. He just nods and pricks up an ear.

Danny is a greyhound and a novel way of encouraging pupils at Oakhill primary school in Tamworth, Staffordshire, to read aloud. A "listening dog", he is part of a scheme that originated in the US called Reading Education Assistance Dogs.

"It helps with their self-esteem in reading out loud because he is non-judgmental," says the dog's owner, Tony Nevett, who has a degree in animal-assisted therapy. "He doesn't judge them and he doesn't laugh at them. He's just a tool – the children don't realise they are reading, which they might not have the confidence to do in class."

This made me ponder what we are doing so badly that we are to be replaced by dogs!  How could this idea have even been considered if we were doing a good job;  Is it our lack of time, our lack of patience, our lack of knowledge, or just another thought up fad?

This provoked several feelings, the first being irritation as it seemed to imply that we are judgemental and laugh at our children!  The second was disappointment that it could possibly be true.  As a working mum I have felt the pull between ‘being at home for my children’ and having to go to work.  Whether going to work is a personal choice or a basic need, it can be evident that you can’t be in two places at once.   How do you manage this pull between the two?

Being with your children in body and mind rather than just body, gives the children so much more.  I remember an incidence a few years ago driving in the car with my son when he was about 7 years old; he was talking non-stop and I was giving ‘yes’’ umm’ etc. in the right places but not really listening.  I was too wrapped up thinking of numerous other things that I must do later.  Now, I thought that I had got away with my lack of listening; but it was to be years later that my son informed me that ‘when you umm and say yes a lot mum, you’re not really listening are you?’ There I stood completely caught out like a rabbit in the headlights.  If I think back to those times when I was superficially listening, it would not have taken much time and effort to listen deeply to what he had to say.  After the bombshell had dropped I could not go back and correct my lack of listening but I could from this time onward consciously take the time out of my thoughts to give my attention to my child; after all I was not going to lose masses of time by doing this and what my children would get from this is a sense worthiness.  These you cannot compare. 

When you share your time with your children try arming yourself with preparation; have all the things that you need to do later planned and prepared beforehand so it does not encroach on the irreplaceable time with the children.

Research was undertaken by Alison Clark, Susan Mc Quail and Peter Moss of the Thomas Coram Research Unit which is part of the Institute of Education, at the University of London.   The research showed that there was evidence of the impact of listening to young children gave them increased self-esteem and social competency, together with an insight into decision-making processes.

It can be that when in the thick of it you lose sight of how well you give your time.  You can be spreading your time so thin it becomes invisible.  If this rings true with you, please know that you have many options to lessen the constant spread of time.  Get your time back and put it to good use, our coaching for mums programme will be invaluable.  Coaching is far quicker and more effective than struggling on your own.   If dogs can listen to our children, then this is a walk in the park.

What would happen if you altered your view of your current situation? by Jackie Clifford

As I watched the house transform last week from old steamed up windows to new, bright, clean ones, it made me reflect upon how easy it is to get stuck with our old view of the world… Simply having a new pane of glass completely changed my view from every room of the house!

This set me thinking about how a great coach can help you to view problems, challenges and situations from a range of different angles. Here are some questions that might help you to think about things just a little differently…

• If this wasn’t a problem, but an opportunity, what sort of opportunity would it be?

• If you did know how to overcome this challenge, what would you try?

• If you were to view this situation as a fly-on-the-wall, what might you observe?

• If you were to think of this problem in the completely opposite way to the way you are thinking about it now, what would you be thinking?

• Imagine hearing yourself describing this challenge - what do you notice about what you were hearing?

• What needs to change to make you feel happy about this situation?

• How would… [Albert Einstein] [Thomas Edison] [Mother Teresa] [Ellen MacArthur]… tackle this problem?

Another useful way to approach a situation is to analyse the questions that you have about it by asking yourself:

“What are the key questions that I have about this situation / problem / challenge?”

And then go on to think about where you might find the answers or even what the answers might be.

Coming at things from a different angle or viewing them through a different pair of eyes can give you a completely different perspective on things which in turn can help you gain valuable insight and clarity.

Try it and you might be surprised at what you find out.  Click for more information about coaching for women and find your different perspective

Calling female entrepreneurs, mumpreneurs & business women to take part in TV pilot

 

Are you a female entrepreneur in need of help? 

And would you be happy to be filmed getting that help?

 

Independent production company, Handle and Spout, has teamed up with Lynette Allen to make a pilot television programme.

In the programme, Lynette will coach / mentor one business woman to take her business to the next stage. 

Could that business woman be you?

Maybe you can see where you want your business to go but you’re not getting there?  Lynette will help you face up to the reasons why.    

Are you a `mumpreneur` working from home but not feeling very professional? 

Are you struggling with a work / home life balance?

Are you trying but failing to get the best out of a tricky employee?

If so, let Lynette help!   

Filming will take place in March 2011.  To put yourself forward you must be happy to be filmed at home and at work.  Colleagues and other family members should also be happy to be on camera.  You should also of course be up for talking openly about the issues in question. 

If you think this could be for you please email catherine@handleandspout.com no later than Wednesday 2^nd March, 2011.  Please also include a brief outline of your predicament as you see it, tell us where your business is based and provide a daytime telephone number. 

Please also be aware we will not be able to respond to everyone.  We look forward to hearing from you!  

 

The Valentine Plan for 365 days a year, by Cathe Gaskell

There's something about this time of year, with Valentine’s Day being such a commercial love fest, with its overpriced red roses, the flurry of heart shaped cards and cute teddies bedecked with appealing messages. We are as a nation focussed on remembering loved ones, new, old and future possibilities...

For many people Valentine’s Day results in sentiments rarely spoken, a chance to reflect on what's going well in the relationship and plan for the following months/year ahead.

Can this level of reflection be directed into customers and used to improve our relationships in business all year round?

Like Valentine’s Day and the special focus on key relationships it promises, 'customer care' can be manifested in any number of ways, but keeping in touch regularly and adding value is one of them....I call it the Valentine’s Plan.

How many of us have thanked customers for referrals and testimonials? In a recent poll I conducted on this, I found that in this technical age, a simple heartfelt handwritten note and vouchers always went down well with its recipient.

Sending on information about a product and or area of interest via a link, a blog or by an introduction, are key aspects of building a relationship too - rather like a jigsaw adding pieces one at a time – it continues to add value to your customer, as well as making you memorable. Are you doing this weekly or at least monthly?

Finding out what your customers want by following up on requests, finding information that's relevant to them, emailing them information on pertinent training courses or seminars, it's all a chance to network with them, it helps your visibility and strengthens your link with them.

Do you send them information on LinkedIn for example? Make introductions or forward invitations to events they have a specialist interest in?

Do you support events that your customers hold and help them to grow their business by passing on appropriate customer leads?

It is true that sometimes customers won't always respond, but there are a wide range of reasons for this gap in communication. Recent feedback has proved that;

• they may have found another supplier

• they simply don’t need your services at this time

• prices or service needs are unmet

• they could even be in trouble themselves
  
  

The most common advice was 'don’t stay too long on one unresponsive deal, be polite, be in touch, clarify outstanding issues, check information has been received and understood then move forwards'. More deals, customers and unmet needs are out there!

This may sound contradictory if you've been attentive, supportive and informative. But attempting to forge effective relationships with the wrong customer stops you finding the right customer. Moving on stops you wasting time on a 'sale' that customer does not have the need or priority for. You have to make this a win:win situation.

If your services are a lower priority to them than you realised, it's painful but move on. You never know if the door is left open, they may return and work with you again.

Where possible, keep discussions with former and current customers open, keep adding value to every relationship you've forged, keep in touch but not obtrusively. Keep moving forward with your Valentines Plan - 365 days a year.   

'Children with working mothers are six times more likely to be fat'...really? By TWCC's Mums Coach Helen Hind

That was a recent headline in the Daily Mail ‘Children with working mothers are six times more likely to be fat’.  Is this useful information or just more guilt?

When 68% of working age women are mothers with dependent children, these kinds of headlines can be very detrimental.  As a working mum, you rush from pillar to post from the moment you get up in the morning, to the moment you get to lay your head on the pillow at night. 

These accusations just add to the guilt mothers already feel when they grab a ready meal occasionally because they need to pick their child up from the child minders, get them to a swimming lesson within the hour, and finish a vital piece of work for their boss.  What you feed your children though is not the only situation that can lead to dispirited feelings.  Missing the school play because you had to work, or leaving your children with the child minder can also bring up these feelings as a direct result of the stresses and strains working mothers face. 

It might not bring great comfort to know that most working mums have felt this pang of culpability at some point, when looking into the big tear-filled eyes of their child who is just willing them to pick them up again and take them home, but it might be useful to know that some have found ways to overcome these difficulties to balance motherhood with working.

A famous working mum was Dame Anita Roddick, who founded the Body Shop while raising her two young daughters.  She won numerous awards over a number of years including Veuve Clicquot's Business Women of the Year.  So I ask the question, did she have the same stresses and strains that we are feeling today? Very likely! Work life combined with motherhood is a tricky balancing act for anyone.  Dame Anita Roddick achieved this. I'll never know her secrets, but I do know that every working mother has the potential to achieve the best balance possible between the two.

Christine approached The Women's Coaching Company for coaching to do just that. She had two children of 2 and 5 years and worked 4 days a week; this meant she needed different childcare arrangements for each child.  She was finding that the school holidays were becoming very expensive and awkward to arrange due to the age difference between the two children.  Having to drop one child off in one location and the other in another location was taking up a lot of her precious time.  Christine realised that she needed to make some changes, she told me life felt such a battle, but that she was unsure what changes could be made. 

After being coached through her situation, she was able to see alternative ideas and within weeks she had agreed new working hours at work. She had negotiated having the summer and Christmas holidays as non-working days.  Although this meant a small dip in wages, she found that it all evened itself out as she no longer paid for childcare or petrol plus the stress had gone!  During our sessions, she also changed lots of small things that have helped make her working week much less stressful. After just 4 sessions, she has changed her morning routine to a more productive one and arranged for a friend to collect her eldest child from school 1 day a week.

If Christine's story tells me anything, it's that even when you feel like you’re the only clown juggling, there are ways in which changes can be made when your current routines and schedules are not working for you any more.

These changes can help no end in making your working day run much more smoothly.  What changes would you make? Some clients learn to say 'no' more, others, find delegating very liberating!   Find out what solutions would suit you best by taking an hour out to talk them through. Click here for more information. Coaching is far quicker and more effective than struggling on your own. If you want things to change then look to make the changes, have fun and enjoy yourself and your children as they won’t be young forever.

Female entrepreneurship set to nearly double over the next 50 years... by Lynette Allen

That's according to Dr Alexandra Beauregard of London School of Economics.  She produced the Avon report which was featured in the Financial Women's Mail Forum last week. 

Apparently of the 2000 16-24 year-olds surveyed, almost two thirds of the females expressed an interest in setting up their own business.  That's truly inspirational and means that those at the very beginning of their careers are starting to see value in their skills, their potential and are starting to understand how they might sculpt a life for themselves based on intelligent independence.

But, if we're honest, we don't see as much of that confidence coming from women in their 30's, 40's or 50's.  Women with families, children, husbands, older parents.  When women find themselves in a position where those around them are so reliant on them, all kinds of complications creep into our dreams and it's easy for our aspirations to fade.  We want to change that.  I want to change that.

Our clients tell us it's a constant juggling act between work and home, that it's easy to feel torn between working and being with family.  We see clients who entirely underestimate their competency in the workplace, never mind their ability to go it alone.  Yet, when our clients start talking to us, when they open up and tell us how they run their lives, what their habits are, what they pack into a normal working day, what they achieve, it's truly astounding! 

Seriously...the level of organisational skills our female entrepreneurs display would leave most world leaders stood still at the starting line.  I've made it my job, as founder of The Womens Coaching Company to inspire women to make those changes, to see their potential, to be able to visualise a future that they're proud of their achievements in business and where they can still be great mothers, loving partners, helpful daughters and supportive friends.

So with more and more younger women taking the step into entrepreneurship, we'd like to hear from you about what it takes to be a female entrepreneur, so we can continue to support our current clients and those just starting out.

What skills does a woman starting her own business need?

What difficulties is she likely to face?

Which key strengths are going to make her successful?

What support does she need?

So many women wonder if they have what it takes to work for themselves.  We believe it's time to inspire many more women to step outside of their comfort zone and trust that, whatever they want to achieve is truly within their grasp.

Let us know what you think and how coaching and mentoring organisations like ours can support female entrepreneurship to an even greater extent.  E-mail lynette@thewomenscoachingcompany.co.uk with your thoughts.  Your opinion, your experience, your expertise, your voice is highly valued.